If.

I’ve seen you a few times since then. Sometimes we spoke, sometimes we pretended we were just strangers passing by. I don’t think I could ever forget you, although you never meant anything to me. I doubt I meant anything to you either. But we never really had closure. We just…stopped.

If I saw you today, I’d get a cup of coffee with you. I’d ask you the usuals, how’ve you been, how’s your life. I’d reluctantly ask if you’re seeing anyone, hoping not to sound too interested. I’d ask what you’re doing now, are you still writing? Working in the arts? Still living in the city? You’d see the ring on my finger and ask how long I’ve been married. I’d tell you I married a boy from our high school. You’d probably laugh and think I settled. I’d tell you I didn’t. You’d ask if I have kids, and now it’s my turn to laugh. I try to imagine you as a father. Of course you’ve probably matured since the last time we spoke. The last time we….

If I saw you today, I’d be reminded of the time we made out in the elevator. I’d be reminded of how you kissed me like you were never going to see me again. I’d be reminded of how I couldn’t get enough of you. I’d be reminded of the drunk calls at 1 in the morning. I’d be reminded of how you smiled at me the first time I saw you, after all that. I’d be reminded of how most of all, I enjoyed talking to you. Sure, you could kiss like no other but, we had a connection. And that was something no one else knew about us. Let’s face it, they knew everything else.

I do still think about you. And I doubt we’ll ever have that cup of coffee. But I do wonder what you’re doing now. If you’ve found a good woman who loves you for who you are. If you’re happy.